Top 100 Funny And Clean Jokes


Published on May 12th, 2020

1. What Do You Call A Cow With A Twitch?

 

2. Have You Heard About Those New Corduroy Pillows? They’re Making Headlines.

 

3. I Can’t Take My Dog To The Park Because The Ducks Keep Trying To Bite Him.

 

4. What Exam Do Young Witches Have To Pass?

 

5. What’s The Difference Between In-laws And Outlaws?

 

6. I Want To Die Peacefully In My Sleep Like My Grandfather Did, Not Screaming In Terror Like The Passengers In His Car.

 

7. Why Arent Koalas Actual Bears?

 

8. I’m Good Friends With 25 Letters Of The Alphabet.

 

9. Why Is Banketball Such A Messy Sport?

 

10. I Bought The World’s Worst Thesaurus Yesterday. Not Only Is It Terrible, It’s Terrible.

 

11. My Friends Say There’s A Gay Guy In Our Circle Of Friends… I Really Hope It’s Todd, He’s Cute.

 

12. Why Did The Soccer Player Bring String To The Game?

 

13. I Told My Friend Not To Get Too Excited About Turning 32, Since Her Birthday Party Would Be So Short.

 

14. How Do You Find Will Smith In The Snow?

 

15. How Did The Hipster Burn His Mouth?

 

16. My Father Convinced Me To Donate My Organs After I Die. He’s A Man After My Own Heart…

 

17. I Have An Epipen. My Friend Gave It To Me When He Was Dying, It Seemed Very Important To Him That I Have It.

 

18. What Do You Get When You Cross A Cat With A Lemon?

 

19. How Do You Repair A Broken Tomato?

 

20. Whats The Defference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?

 

21. I Told My Girlfriend She Drew Her Eyebrows Too High. She Seemed Surprised.

 

22. Why Can’t A Leopard Hide?

 

23. Some People Think It’s Romantic To Carve Their Names On Trees In The Park While On A Date.

 

24. What’s The Deifference Between A Guitar And A Fish?

 

25. What Do Alexander The Great And Winnie The Pooh Have In Common?

 

26. If A Tree Falls In The Woods And No One Is Around To Hear It, Does A Hipster Buy Its Album?

 

27. What Did The Hamburger Name His Daughter?

 

28. How Many Opticians Does It Take To Change A Lightbulb? Is It One Or Two? One… Or Two?

 

29. What Did The Daddy Chimney Say To The Baby Chimney?

 

30. What’s The Difference Between A Hippo And A Zippo?

 

31. What Kind Of Bed Does A Mermaid Sleep In?

 

32. What Did The Femur Say To The Patella?

 

33. How Does Nasa Organize A Party?

 

34. The Other Day, My Wife Asked Me To Pass Her Lipstick But I Accidentally Passed Her A Glue Stick. She Still Isn’t Talking To Me.

 

35. I Googled “Rorshach Test.”

 

36. What Do You Call A Bear With No Socks On?

 

37. What Do You Call A Frenchman Wearing Sandals? Phillipe Phillope.

 

38. Why Was The Guy Looking For Fast Food On His Friend?

 

39. If You Have 10 Apples In One Hand And 14 Oranges In The Other, What Do You Have?

 

40. What Do You Call A Three-footed Aardvark?

 

41. Did You Hear About The Angry Pancake?

 

42. Did You Hear About The Paddle Sale At The Boat Store?

 

43. I Submitted 10 Puns To A Joke-writing Competition To See If Any Of Them Made The Finals.

 

44. What Did The Leopard Say After Eating His Owner?

 

45. Murphy’s Law Says That Anything That Can Go Wrong, Will Go Wrong.

 

46. Wht Did The Computer Go To The Doctor

 

47. Did You Hear About The Two Bed Bugs Who Met In The Mattress?

 

48. What Do You Call Two Monkeys That Share An Amazon Account?

 

49. What Did One Aspiring Wig Say To The Other Aspiring Wig?

 

50. What Do You Get When You Cross A Cow And A Duck?

 

51. To The Guy Who Stole My Ms Office, I Will Find You. You Have My Word.

 

52. What Do You Call A Bee That Lives In America?

 

53. Have You Heard The Joke About The Butter?

 

54. A Man Walks Into A Lawyer’s Office And Asks, “How Much Do You Charge?”

 

55. Which Month Do Soldiers Hate Most?

 

56. What Stays In The Corner And Travels All Over All World

 

57. Have You Heard About Those New Corduroy Pillows? They’re Making Headlines.

 

58. Can A Kangaroo Jump Higher Than The Empire State Building?

 

59. What Three Candies Can You Find In Every School?

 

60. Why Did The Boy Tiptoe Past The Medicine Cabinet?

 

61. What’s Orange And Sounds Like A Parrot? A Carrot.

 

62. Which Is The Longest Word In The Dictionary?

 

63. Why Do Fish Live In Salt Water?

 

64. If You Ever Get Cold, Stand In The Corner Of A Room For A While.

 

65. What Do You Get When You Cross A Snowman With A Vampire?

 

66. What Happens If Life Give You Melons

 

67. What Goes Up When The Rain Comes Down?

 

68. What Did The Duck Say When It Bought Lipstick?

 

69. What Kind Of Key Opens A Banana?

 

70. What Do You Call A Dog That Does Magic Tricks? A Labracadabrador.

 

71. What Did One Raindrop Say To The Other?

 

72. My Friends Say There’s A Gay Guy In Our Circle Of Friends… I Really Hope It’s Todd, He’s Cute.

 

73. What Do We Want? Low-flying Airplane Noises!

 

74. Why Did The Boy Sprinkle Sugar On His Pillow Before He Went To Sleep?

 

75. Did You Hear About The Painter Who Was Hospitalized?

 

76. What Is The Difference Between A School Teacher And A Train?

 

77. George Clooney, Leonardo Dicaprio, And Matthew Mcconaughey Get Together To Make A Movie.

 

78. What Did The Penny Say To The Other Penny?

 

79. So What If I Don’t Know What Armageddon Means? It’s Not The End Of The World.

 

80. What Do You Call A South Amecrican Girl Who Is Always In A Hurry?

 

81. I Took Part In The Suntanning Olympics…

 

82. Why Do Sea-gulls Fly Over The Sea?

 

83. What’s The Difference Between A Good Joke And A Bad Joke Timing.

 

84. Why Did Tony Go Out With A Prune?

 

85. What Happens To A Frog’s Car When It Breaks Down?

 

86. Why Did Goofy Put A Clook Under His Desk?

 

87. What You Get When You Cross Sonic The Hedgehog And Curious George?

 

88. I Bought Some Shoes From A Drug Dealer. I Don’t Know What He Laced Them With, But I’ve Been Tripping All Day.

 

89. What Did The Little Mountain Say To The Big Mountain?

 

90. A Horse Walks Into A Bar…

 

91. What Do You Call Leftover Aliens?

 

92. Communism Jokes Aren’t Funny Unless Everyone Gets Them.

 

93. Why Did The Dinosaur Cross The Road?

 

94. What Do You A Very Religous Person That Sleep Walks?

 

95. Apparently You Can’t Use “Beef Stew” As A Password.

 

96. What Do You Call A Dog That Does Magic Tricks?

 

97. What Do You Call Cheese That Is Not Yours?

 

98. Not Only Is My New Thesaurus Terrible…

 

99. I Used To Be Addicted To Soap, But Now I’m Clean…

 

100. What’s Loud And Sounds Like An Apple?

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