Are you ready to see the most terrifyingly long-limbed, ENORMOUS GATOR in existence?
Ah, Florida. Good or bad, we can always count on you for a distraction. Like this one, which occurred in a Naples country club golf course, and will haunt our dreams for the rest of the week. Why? Because a video of an alligator has gone viral and you’ve just got to see it to believe it. Is an alligator sighting uncommon in Florida? Of course not. Gators and The Sunshine State go hand-in-hand. But this gator is one for the books, folks. Because he’s an ABSOLUTE UNIT.
Check him out as he just casually strolls the grounds of the Valencia Golf and Country Club like he owns the joint (a quick fact check confirms that he does, in fact, own said joint):
Images of Boss Gator immediately made the rounds on Twitter, where everyone exclaimed over the sheer size and girth of the world’s last living dinosaur.
— Matt Devitt (@MattDevittWINK) November 12, 2020
And while I’m no Steve Irwin (yes, I know he’s the Crocodile Hunter and not the Gator Hunter, shut up), I feel like we’ve all seen enough episodes of Swamp People and the like to know that alligators and crocodiles don’t typically have legs so long they could audition for the Rockettes? Just speculating here!
Naturally, everyone lost their collective shit over this extremely prehistoric guy. Because imagine crossing paths with an actual Jurassic mob boss like this? TERRIFYING.
This is why Florida doesn’t give a shit about Covid. Hurricanes, gators, sharks, homeless people eating bath salts and then each other. Yeah, Covid is last on the list.
— Ev Under (@EveUnder7) November 12, 2020
— Eric Schmidt (@TalkingSchmidt) November 12, 2020
— Stormchasernick (@stormchasernick) November 12, 2020
It better to back or some Trump supporter will kill it and make it an appetizer.
— New Breed 01.25.19 ⚜️ (@DK_NoFilter) November 12, 2020
That’s no gator. That’s a walking, living dinosaur.
— Josh Helmuth KRDO (@Jhelmuth) November 12, 2020
One can only imagine the pile of rogue golf balls this brick house has accumulated underwater. He probably sits on a Game of Thrones-esque throne of water-welded balls where he rules over the other, shorter, lesser kings of the course. Could you imagine using this gator to reveal your baby’s sex? The whole “gender” reveal trend would go out of style, STAT. Along with having all of your limbs.
Forget diet teas and fit-luencers, someone book this G-unit for some spon-con, STAT. Seriously. He could shill protein powder and exercise regimens better than 90% of the D-list celebrities out there. Bro is making gainz. We’d all click ‘subscribe’ faster than he could eat us.
Anyway, enjoy watching this video at least 45 times today and good luck sleeping tonight, or ever, if you live in Florida.