When you battle with physique picture, it’s arduous to know that different individuals don’t see you an identical approach that you just see your self. I look within the mirror and all I see is what I don’t like. I can go from the highest of my head to the tip of my toes and give you dozens of insecurities. It doesn’t take something for me to seek out one thing improper. And but, my husband doesn’t see any of it. He sees a totally completely different particular person than I do.
I’ll usually dress and ask him what he thinks. His reply is at all times, “You look great.” Most of the time when he says this, he doesn’t even lookup from his telephone. And it’s not as a result of he’s aloof; it’s as a result of he actually feels that approach. He thinks that I at all times look nice. I do know that if I’m carrying a costume and somewhat make-up, it’s received to be higher, however he actually doesn’t care. I might be soiled from cleansing the storage and he’ll discover one thing about me that he likes. Even if it’s in jest, like complimenting my filthy garments, he makes me really feel good.
When we met virtually 20 years in the past, I had lengthy hair, a tiny waist and an enormous chest. I positively had the type of physique that made heads flip. I can say that now, however I didn’t say it then. Even after I was at my greatest, I used to be sad. Now I have a look at footage and suppose, “What the fuck was wrong with you?” Now, at 42, it’s a completely new world. I’ve aged. I’ve had 4 infants. I’m a totally completely different particular person. And but my husband acts as if nothing has modified. He actually doesn’t care.
I haven’t “let myself go,” per se — I’ve simply reworked right into a extra mature model of myself. I’m not a scorching chick at a bar searching for free drinks anymore. I’m a mother working from dance class to soccer apply and residential to make dinner. I stay in yoga pants and tank tops. I just lately added an enormous knee brace to my wardrobe as a result of I’m getting older and issues are beginning to break down. And but by way of all of that, my husband nonetheless kisses me earlier than he leaves the home and tells me he loves me.
It’s humorous. He hasn’t modified a lot since our wedding ceremony day. He’s bald now and has extra of the dad bod — I imply father determine — however that’s about it. His face has a couple of strains and his glasses prescription is a bit stronger, however his smile is identical. And but, I discover him extra engaging now that he’s older. I like that. And he feels the identical approach about me. It’s arduous for me to know, nevertheless it’s candy.
But why do I’ve such a rattling arduous time accepting that he loves me simply the way in which that I’m? It’s like I don’t really feel worthy of his attraction to me. That’s such bullshit. I should be pleased with the truth that we’ve made it by way of 15 years, six vehicles, 4 youngsters, two homes, and one canine collectively. After all of that, he nonetheless desires me to be the one he takes out to dinner. He took care of me after my knee surgical procedure final 12 months with out hesitation. He’ll do my Target pickups for me … with minimal complaining. He has offered a life for me that has allowed me to be a stay-at-home mother, and now, to stay out my dream of being a author. And all of it is because he loves me. It’s not my physique or my face or my hair. It’s simply me.
I take into consideration our life collectively and the way fortunate we now have been. We have 4 nice youngsters. We stay in a pleasant, protected place. We have sufficient to offer for our household and even somewhat left over for a couple of enjoyable extras. All of that has occurred over time. And all through that point, we now have modified. If we’re blessed sufficient to have a couple of extra of life’s chapters that embody issues like our kids’s marriages and hopefully grandchildren sometime, we will likely be much more completely different then than we at the moment are. But I’ll enterprise to say that even when I’m slower and grayer and far older, his love for me gained’t change.
I’m the one which caught his eye within the workplace when he got here to repair the computer systems. I’m the one who he chased. I’m the one who he dreamed would say sure. I’m the one who he selected for the remainder of his life. When he made the vows to 27-year-old me, he meant it. We’ve had for higher, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in illness and in well being. It has all occurred and he has liked me by way of all of it. I’m undeniably one of many fortunate ones.
It’s not about discovering the one who appears good in your arm. The one who’s most tasty is the one who doesn’t thoughts sorting your soiled laundry and who’s prepared to drive you to the airport at 5am. You discover magnificence in an individual who carries your large infants for 9 months and wakes up with them for months to nurse them. There is one thing that shines vivid about your companion after they kiss you goodbye and want you a cheerful journey, however you discover a tear of their eye as a result of you know the way a lot they may miss you. It is cliché, however it’s true: magnificence is pores and skin deep. Attraction isn’t just concerning the bodily. Love is engaging. Sacrifice and arduous work is horny. Teamwork is a dream come true. My husband and I’ve discovered all of these issues in one another. That is gorgeous.
No matter what time will change about my bodily kind, it won’t change his love for me. Once at a restaurant, he seemed me proper within the eye and sang alongside to the prophetic phrases of Billy Joel, “I love you just the way you are.” I wouldn’t commerce him for something on the planet. And I like him, simply the way in which he’s.