I’m Starting To Hate My Haggard-Looking RBF — Here’s Why


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I used to suppose I’d be a kind of individuals who aged gracefully. I had at all times appeared considerably younger for my age, and I figured by the point I reached my mid-40s, I’d be that type of cool hippie mother who let her hair go gray as a result of – dammit – it appeared good gray. I by no means thought I’d weep over thinning hair or fantasize about issues like botox or lip injections or eye lifts. But right here we’re.

I spend a ridiculous period of time pulling at my face. I do that factor the place I slide my fingertips firmly down my brow, hoping that by sheer will I’ll be capable of easy out the deep strains which have taken up everlasting residence on my face. It doesn’t work. And I wipe my higher lip wishing I might wax away the fantastic strains that appear like a perma-stache.

I didn’t at all times hate my face. There was a time once I didn’t shudder once I appeared within the mirror. And again within the day, I really posed for pictures as a substitute of pulling my hoodie over my head.

I nonetheless really feel fairly comfy and content material in my physique. Having recovered from an consuming dysfunction 20 years in the past and coping with disordered consuming for an excellent 10 years after that, consider me once I say that that is no small feat. Yet, regardless of my normal contentment in my bodily look, social media is doing its greatest to destroy my feel-good vibe.

Why doesn’t she have jowls like I do? Why do her eyes look brilliant and recent? For the love of god, the place are the 11s on her brow?

For a very long time, I believed that what I noticed once I scrolled by means of Instagram was the true deal. I had no concept you may Photoshop a thigh hole or filter away the giant-ass baggage beneath your eyes. I actually realized final yr that my iPhone has a “portrait” function that adjusts the lighting for selfies. Mind. Blown.

I used to suppose that celebs have been the one ones who obtained boob jobs and made common appointments with their “dermatologist” for microdermabrasion and Botox. Now, Debra down the road has been getting fillers for 5 years and Lisa from accounting has her crow’s toes stamped out with the assistance of a needle and McKenzie on IG has injections to thank for these pouty lips that get her sponsored posts for lip gloss. Who knew?

Meanwhile, I’ve been questioning why my lips appear like they’re consuming themselves and you may map a route throughout the nation on my brow. And RBF? Puh-lease. More like Resting Angry-Ass Hag Face.

Lately it looks as if everyone seems to be getting fillers or injections or therapies. Whether it’s injections of unicorn tears or the pores and skin cream made with the feathers of a phoenix or bathing within the literal fountain of youth, persons are doing it. And they give the impression of being ah-mazing. While I’m over right here trying like that loopy cat girl folks whisper about. And I don’t even have cats.

Look, this isn’t a judgment on anybody who spends hours slathering on face cream or tons of of {dollars} on fillers. I like that journey for you. Really.

I imply, personally I don’t have the time, endurance, or finances for far more than some hair dye and eyeliner. But apart from that, I’m about as half-ass with my magnificence regime as an individual could possibly be. I’m in all probability not even a half-ass, extra like a quarter-ass. But I digress…

In any occasion, all these filters and injections and who-knows-what-else — as a result of I actually can not sustain — make it actually freaking laborious to stay to that entire “aging gracefully” factor. It makes it rattling close to inconceivable generally to be comfy together with your au pure-ish strategy to magnificence. I spend a lot time giving myself inside pep talks that, at this level, I’m rolling my eyes at myself.

The factor is, it isn’t simply social media in charge. Like most of us within the pandemic age, I spend a unprecedented period of time on video calls by means of Teams and Zoom and Skype, that are mainly designed to make us look even older and extra drained than we already are. That little field with my very own face in it’s so rattling distracting. Who is that grouchy trying one that appears like she hasn’t seen the solar in 10 years? Oh, shit, that’s me. Let’s simply say, it’s fairly rattling laborious to deal with strategic messaging discussions when all you’ll be able to take into consideration is how noticeable your greys are and questioning in the event you at all times look this pissed off. (Spoiler alert: I do. And it’s not as a result of I’m really pissed. That’s simply what my face does now.)

So right here we’re. Surrounded by people who find themselves dropping tons of (or 1000’s) of {dollars} to look “fresh” and “doe-eyed” with out trying like they’re really attempting to look recent and doe-eyed and flippantly commenting about “good genes” and providing to share their 3-step skincare routine. Spoiler alert: It’s by no means three steps. And even when it have been, that’s three steps greater than I really feel like doing at finish of a long-ass day of observing my haggard-looking face in a tiny field on a pc display and attempting to deal with factor like course of enchancment when all I can take into consideration is how I could make my jowls much less saggy and my RBF a little bit extra badass and rather less bitter.

Look, all of us need to do no matter it takes to be ok with ourselves. And finally, I do be ok with myself. Well, adequate anyway. And that’s what issues, proper? Maybe finally I’ll get to that IDGAF stage of getting older gracefully. I simply want I might look rather less haggard alongside the best way.

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