People, what TF is going on? The lengths to which you QAnon folks are willing to go … I am at a loss for words, and that doesn’t happen often.
It’s not just violent conspiracy theorists though. Abhorrent comments on social media from fellow moms and other women have poured in too. And, why?
Why, when given the choice to be kind and lift another woman up, do we instead cut her down when she is literally devastated? Seriously, it’s been a rough year for all of us, and we need grace and love more than ever. And yet, when someone like Chrissy Teigen—someone who has performed acts of kindness like funding a fan’s tuition for esthetician school, buying school supplies for teachers, and who has been open and honest about all the raw parts of life, marriage, infertility, and motherhood so that other women don’t feel alone in their struggles—is hurting, she’s met with unmatched cruelty.
As a woman and mother, I’m appalled and disgusted and, frankly, disappointed in the cruel behavior shown to this grieving mother over the past couple days, since she and John Legend revealed the tragic news that their baby had died.
We must do better than this.
We’re living in a country that continues to elect politicians and leaders who actively work to roll back women’s rights. A nation that blatantly refuses to even entertain the idea of electing a competent, strong woman president, but would rather continue to choose elderly white men incapable of carrying on a civil discourse on national television. A nation where women–especially BIPOC women– are still fighting for equal pay, adequate healthcare, and fair maternity leave—things other modernized countries around the world have implemented long ago.
Women need to join together and support one another—especially in today’s political climate.
But we’re not. Rather than lift one another up in times of need, so many of us choose to hurl hurtful insults instead. That doesn’t strengthen America or make it “great.” Instead of being the village when a fellow mom shares her pain, we spew false, disgusting, and utterly idiotic conspiracy theories that kick her when she’s already down.
Rather than simply saying, “I’m sorry you are hurting,” we feel the need to preface that statement of “sympathy” with, “I can’t stand Chrissy Teigen, but I’m sorry she’s dealing with this…”
Instead of simply being kind on what is undoubtedly the worst day of a fellow mother’s life, we use her vulnerability as an opportunity to assault her political beliefs.
And you know what? It’s fucking gross. And if you are falling into this trap, I am embarrassed for you. And disgusted by you.
First of all, for what seems like the bajillionth time, you are being fed false conspiracy theories to distract you from the nightmare that is the Trump presidency. Yes, we’re talking to you, Kathy and Ken, and your Qanon bullshit about pizza and baby-eating and Satanic cults and Lord know what other bizarre theories you’ll buy into next.
The real “conspiracy” here is to get a bunch of gullible people to believe these absurd and untrue stories—which are, not at all ironically, about those who are vehemently anti-Trump. It’s a trick. And it’s working, and it’s making you look completely bonkers.
If you believe these lies, you’re being played. And if you spit them back at a grieving mother mourning the loss of her baby, you’re not only an idiot, but you’re also a bad person.
Secondly, we know a lot of people don’t like Chrissy Teigen. Chrissy Teigen knows that too. It’s part of being famous and being outspoken about controversial issues. I, for example, really don’t care for the Kardashians. I think they’re obnoxious and really don’t understand how or why they have become such powerful idols in our society.
However, if tragedy struck their family, I would feel genuine sympathy for them. Because when someone is grieving a death and you feel the need to tell the world that you don’t like that person before saying you’re sorry for their loss, you’re not actually doing something kind. You’re using that person’s moment of pain instead to make sure the world knows exactly how you feel.
If you do this, you’re an asshole.
Finally, if you really loathe Chrissy Teigen’s political stances, this is not the time to attack her for that. Again, if, for example, Ivanka Trump faced a similar tragedy, I’d express sincere sympathy as no mother deserves this pain—not even one in Trump’s inner circle. Or, if I couldn’t just say something nice, I’d keep my trap shut.
There are certain lines you do not cross. It’s called civility. Something that seems lost on society more and more often.
Imagine being in Chrissy’s shoes and facing unbearable grief. What would you need? Empathy. Grace. Kindness. Support.
Now imagine it’s your own daughter who is in these shoes. What would you want for her? You’d want the world to wrap her in love and support, not rip her to shreds because of some dumb-ass stories fabricated from an anonymous account.
Furthermore, do you know how many mothers and fathers were impacted by Teigen telling her story? How many women know the exact pain that’s so heartbreakingly evident on her face as those tears roll down her cheeks? How many fathers sat with their wives and partners, holding them while they sobbed and delivered a baby no longer alive?
Her post helped those who grieve in the same way she and John are grieving. They are now part of a club that no one ever wants to be a part of, but 1 in 4 are. And far too often the members of that club suffer in silence, because we have yet (as is evident in this case) to normalize grief and child/pregnancy loss.
Now picture a mother, clutching her own stomach, reliving the pain of her own miscarriage, reading Chrissy Teigen’s story and finding comfort in knowing she’s not alone. But then she scrolls the comments, seeing hateful words about how Chrissy “deserved this” because “karma’s a bitch” and how so-and-so “can’t stand her anyway.”
Or, even worse that she faked the whole thing. OMG if your fingers type those words into any social media feed, you need some serious self-reflection about the negativity you are putting out into the world. You also need therapy as soon as possible.
Because you know what? Not only are you hurting the woman who shared her raw pain with the world, but you’re hurting every other woman who has endured this horror too.
And that makes you a special kind of beast. Sounds like it’s not Chrissy Teigen who is “Satanic” and “evil” and a “horrible person.” It’s you, Susan. It’s you and your stupid-ass Qanon hate-filled bullshit.
Is Chrissy Teigen perfect? No, and if you ask her, she won’t claim to be. She’s incredibly witty and sarcastic, and sometimes her humor comes in the form of satire. Unfortunately, some brains don’t comprehend satire and take satirical statements as absolute truths, which not only breaks the hearts of humor writers and comedians everywhere, but also leads people to think idiotic theories about pizza restaurants and Satanic cults and … I guess … baby eating? What in the actual fuck? Chrissy and John do not consume human children for lunch, and I cannot believe this needs to be said.
Chrissy Teigen’s hatred for Donald Trump is no secret, so if you’re a Trumpeteer, yeah, you’re probably not a fan.
But what’s far greater than anything else is her obvious love for John and Luna and Miles, and now Jack—a love we all can understand as moms. Our role, as fellow women and mothers, is to wrap her (and all mothers in grief) up in support and love and sympathy and help lift them out of despair. And if we can’t do that, then we need to STFU and make space for other women who can.